funky house all decked out for christmans decorations along the way that folks were lined up for in their cars to see.
were spent eating aloo parathas with sweet yogurt at my parents house with the special request from dahling for those & then followed by a quick nap which was then followed up with dinner at our friends house where there was a proper tree & everything & dinner & drinks. a lovely day all in all.
however i was thinking about how much i could have done or could have been in my life if only my parents upbringing was a little more about molding the child to what they need to become instead of what they need to be in their eyes (which was a desi urdu speaking person along with a perfect american with the qualities of a desi daughter that carries on a household along with other things when she gets married). i know it sounds really controlling & harsh but the liberal part has only settled into my parents lives a few years back. i was raised in a house full of family feuds often & me having to take the role of a caregiver many times. i was so busy in that fumble & then the role of trying to be a good daughter that i think i kinda put the wanting to be something wonderful in life (school-wise) on the back burner. my goal was to make money, get out decently & not be dependent on anyone back then.
all those goals have been met plus a few more but i cant help but find myself a little out of the loop of intellect & of what a spectacular someone i could have been if i had applied myself in that specific spectacular direction. but then again this fight continues-i have accomplished all that i wanted to for some time now so why the sad & sometimes angry face(when no ones looking) when i come across a lovely person thats just starting out & has their feet planted firmly on the ground; for now- who has yet to experience lifes aching troubles. its what i could have been-its that type of predicament.
another battle thats linked to this that seems to continue in my life is that of being good at a little bit of everything.
if youre a little good at everything & if you keep things well rounded in all aspects you dont seem to be superior at just one specific thing. sometimes i wonder if it is good to be focused on one thing rather than so much. being involved in so much gives you a rather lovely headache at times & is pretty darn exhausting. so those doctors or those computer geeks may have had it hard in school but i wonder how lovely they are now in this world without having to worry about preschools, making cookies, credit card bills, what color curtains go well in the living room or what to do with the rest of your life.
ill write more on this a little later. but for now i must wake up my child & dahling from their late nap. its just another thing i need to do since im pretty decent with wake-up calls as well.
however i was thinking about how much i could have done or could have been in my life if only my parents upbringing was a little more about molding the child to what they need to become instead of what they need to be in their eyes (which was a desi urdu speaking person along with a perfect american with the qualities of a desi daughter that carries on a household along with other things when she gets married). i know it sounds really controlling & harsh but the liberal part has only settled into my parents lives a few years back. i was raised in a house full of family feuds often & me having to take the role of a caregiver many times. i was so busy in that fumble & then the role of trying to be a good daughter that i think i kinda put the wanting to be something wonderful in life (school-wise) on the back burner. my goal was to make money, get out decently & not be dependent on anyone back then.
all those goals have been met plus a few more but i cant help but find myself a little out of the loop of intellect & of what a spectacular someone i could have been if i had applied myself in that specific spectacular direction. but then again this fight continues-i have accomplished all that i wanted to for some time now so why the sad & sometimes angry face(when no ones looking) when i come across a lovely person thats just starting out & has their feet planted firmly on the ground; for now- who has yet to experience lifes aching troubles. its what i could have been-its that type of predicament.
another battle thats linked to this that seems to continue in my life is that of being good at a little bit of everything.
if youre a little good at everything & if you keep things well rounded in all aspects you dont seem to be superior at just one specific thing. sometimes i wonder if it is good to be focused on one thing rather than so much. being involved in so much gives you a rather lovely headache at times & is pretty darn exhausting. so those doctors or those computer geeks may have had it hard in school but i wonder how lovely they are now in this world without having to worry about preschools, making cookies, credit card bills, what color curtains go well in the living room or what to do with the rest of your life.
ill write more on this a little later. but for now i must wake up my child & dahling from their late nap. its just another thing i need to do since im pretty decent with wake-up calls as well.
hunny! i want you to know, that you are good at everything that you do. you could have been someone else in this life. This was the role handed to you and given the circumstances you have come out on top of the whole situation. As you always do. you are a fighter you dont ever give up. you have served well to the roles you have chosen to keep for yourself. As i herd it last night "you may loose afew battles here and there, but you always win the war" in the end that is all that counts. Who remembers you and how they remember you is all that is left of us in the end. so keep on being a little good at everything because as i see it there are not many that can handle that responsabilty. ;p
ReplyDeleteooo pretty photos!
ReplyDeletei'm hungry now for aloo parathas. thanks.
seriously though, i could have written this blog myself. but you are an amazing person! you wouldn't be happier any other way. i do this often. i started college when i was 15. yeah, so why am i not a DOCTOR now like i set out to be?!! i wasn't meant to be. that was a ROUGH pill to swallow. rough. until this year, i lived with regretting not finishing school first, not having a career and on and on. but i forgot one thing. even though life is not anywhere NEAR what i thought i wanted, it's incredibly AMAZING! i am interested in so much so it does make it hard to focus. but why should i!?! you shouldn't either. use all of your amazing gifts! they make you the unique person you are
omigosh. i sound like a public service announcement.
i totally saw you as a caregiver back in the day, and suspect you still are!
sorry i'm rambling and kind of all over the place. but i really can relate to this blog SO much!!!