as you enter from the back

the tomatoes, basil & mint bushes in the side box

then the swing area

2nd box at the end are sunflowers

& the 2 yardworkers that were mowing the grass & edging the lawn. LOL

upcoming project- the big circle & 2 more boxes

the brown spots are from spraying stuff to kill the grass. you can see thats where the paths are going to lead. were looking for a good idea for the big round circle as its smack in the middle of the back yard. lets see how that goes. the 2 smallers boxes have plants in them along with weeds/grass that too we are trying to rid of.

happy 9th to my beloved

i hope micheal jackson rests in peace.
i cant believe how short life can be & it just makes me feel that one must live it to the fullest as you never know when it will end. its too too short is what i keep feeling. you must do what makes you happy but sometimes that step is hard to make.

farah fawcett too. may she RIP. beautiful woman! cancer sucks!

i went to someones house & it was lovely. you could feel the love there. or altleast you could feel the love that built the house there. they had 2 boys & 1 girl who have their own kids now. & it was nice. you could see that this house is always filled with people. & im sure they all have problems but its a central point to meet & who doesnt have problems?!! & its a blessing to have that. these 2 people got together & they created this together. & its nice.
the girl said that with all this chaos all over she wouldnt know how else to have it.asides that mother & daughter run a buisness together as well.
just right. they have done their fair share of helping out as well as enjoying themselves. its just nice. it was a well established house with enough chaos to make the couple sleep well at night.

they have it balanced .

many times we set ourselves to have all that but something comes in the way & youre blown down-for a little bit. & you feel like you may never get back up the way it was & that strong but you just dont know whats in store for you.
maybe youll get up stronger.
maybe youll get up & know youre better than all this.
maybe itll make you the best that you can be.
maybe this was the way it was suppose to be to make you realize the worth of it all.
maybe...

i cant believe that its been 9 years since we have been together. i just cant believe it. i heard your voice on the phone the first time & felt like i could be open with you without any judgements. but then when i met you on june 22nd of 2000 i knew i could spend years & years with you all safe & loved.
i just knew that it would take a little bit of input to have a huge output.
i knew that you were worth conquering.
i knew that i was safe with you.
i always felt that you were home.
i knew that you were the one that i had to marry.
thankyou for being home to me. you have no idea how good it feels to come home everyday.
i love you & thats as plain & as complicated as it can be.
can you believe it?
who needs flowers & presents & cards when you just have the presence of one another in your life?!!!

have you ever seen a baby ghost?

thats as scary as can be that smells like baby powder?!!

yup i turned around & shreiked when i saw this little thing come my way the other day,

i couldnt stop laughing either.

a couple of you tube videos im watching

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTxnqUhhlIY
a song i remember singing at the beach

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Cb8RbZCURg&feature=related
a song i want to sing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOU3oLbrPUY&feature=related
a song i can hope for

whats up.

so fathers day was spent nicely & sadly enough theres still an IOU for dahling/papi.
but my daddy was covered.
today i spent the day waking up too early to take the car in for all over tune up including 2 new tires that just took too much money out of my wallet. then off we were to an appointment for
ms. s. she also received her mmr shot today which i had been holding back on for over a year due to the rumors of autism being caused. the doc provided me with all the stats & so i guess it was go for the shot that was given in ms. s' left thigh. oh she was brave after the big shreik & crying.
as i watched her getting her blood pressure read with that thing on her arm, my heart sank for those children that are in hospitals all day long for days even weeks for something so serious that they have to have things attatched to them for monitoring purposes or just for an everyday checkup. my heart goes out to them & their families. i cannot imagine seeing your own flesh & blood sick & you cant do anything about it
i also watched priceless last nite which was a pretty cute french film. it was worth the subtitles & the hour an half of going to sleep late.
talking of sleep-i got very little sleep last nite.

2 pairs of shoes, a handbag that matches the stillettos, jeans, 2 dresses, some personal VS stuff, a bright green t-shirt, a black shrug, 2 black shirts & a few more bucks out the wallet made me feel like life is pretty normal once again.
ofcourse ms. s has had alot of shopping done too lately which include 7/8 pretty dresses, few new pairs of shoes & some cute shirts.

now im watching new in town & hoping ms. s will fall asleep soon enough as shes been pretty whiny lately.
went out today to look for a new dishwasher & a micro/oven combo to join me in my renovation of the kitchen. i cant wait for the new snazzy stainless steel appliances. but were still out & about searching for a good deal. bound to be one out there.

me & ms. s

my new fav song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUAQdD3vfMI

i cant find the lyrics & they are in punjabi so its hard to type out.

i miss him-
alot these days.
the fights, the fun, the yelling, the car rides, the singing, the crying, the laughing till it hurts, the talks at 2 in the am, the marriage talks, eating out, the shopping, admitting the truth, the camaraderie between us, happiness expressed for one another without using words, & all the stupid stuff.

life is F***** U*!!!

stuff i want but dont need

-new eyes as these seem blurry alot
-2 puppies a white one & a black one with bubble gum tongues
-a baby (not necessarily my own) to hold
-a cleaning lady
-a spa day at a nice place
-a new hair style/cut/color
-sleep time without a limit

whats new

my little ms. s got a new & very short haircut thanks to my mom & it seems that along with that shes gotten to be this changed & very grown up little girl who i cant seem to get enough of. i mean she is freakin adorable. i know most parents think that but its like falling in love all over again with my little girl. like dahling said- feels like having a new kid. lol
i cant stop kissing on her. she looks like a little pixie, all dainty & very sharp.
also she is 85% potty trained. she only has a diaper on at nite time when shes asleep. its freakin crazy to see all this happening. i need to go but her some underwear or pullups as she calls them. good lord pretty soon shell be going to elementary school. ahhhh

today she got very upset because she spotted my purse from my wedding & i told her that she can have it when shes about to get married (though hers will be much much more fab then this one) & she started crying saying she wants to get married. & i said no you cant yet & she said she wanted to. she wanted to go to her closet & get a "pitty" dress so she can get married. thank god thats what she thought of marriage.


its a full & succulently huge golden moon out. it still makes me wonder if i can go live in it. i love a full moon though latley its taking a toll on me moodwise. somethings happening here. it seems heavier this year for us aries.

dahling is turning the garage & the driveway into a shop w/ his new/old lexus that he just bought which hes sprucing up along with tweeking his bike. & hes got up posters of this girl on a harley with a black light on top as soon as you enter the garage. what is going on here?!!! i seriously need something(s) to keep me busy as well. ms. s is addicted to spotting bikes on the road & has given the lexus a pet name, its called strawberry. (its not that color-more of a maroon but whos counting). im feeling left out when hes doing his stuff in the garage & ms. s is riding her 4-wheeler. the 2 of them are a sight to see.

conversation with ms. s

after bathtime, eating mac & cheese, & her request to read "go dog go" to her, she wanted to talk. so the convo. went something like this:

me: drink your milk, itll make you strong & big
s: milk gives me boo-boo (still taking a sip)
me: its good for you, itll make you tall & strong
s: i can touch that light up there (points to the high chandelier atop)
me: sure baby when you get big
s: i got big legs mama, see (stretching her legs), thanks for making me big (i was surprised too)
me: you were a tiny baby in my stomach, & then you grew up
s: i cry like a little baby & you give me food & sing to me?
me: yes i did & youre going to keep growing
s: you my mama...(yawn)
me: just like nana is my mama & you know baba jani is my papi...
s: uncle yusif my uncle...
me: yes uncle yusif is your uncle but hes my brother
s: ehsi-yunib my cousins & sunni
me: sunni is moshis brother & uncle yusif is my brother
s: moshis brother is sunni, uncle yusif , your brother ummm (long pause)
wheres ummm my brother?
me: yeah you dont have one hunni, i would have to make one in my belly (pointing to my stomach)
s: okayyyyyyyy (dissappointed tone)
me: i love you, goodnite (kiss her)
s: (dazed a little) goodnite (kisses me) you make one in belly?
me: i love you sofia, i see you tom.

phewwwwwwww tough stuff.

thoughts in my head

`we're stronger than we think or then we look.
`always be ready for anything.
`sometimes you have to walk away to see the big picture more perfectly.
`can you really handle it when its time?
`we are our biggest critics & torturers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HjWKtqlt3c&feature=related
its a sad sad old indian song.

an american one
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTJmmxL67-g

im listening & loving this

Ankhiyon Ke Jharokhon Se Maine Dekha Jo Saanware
Tum Door Nazar Aaye Badi Door Nazar Aaye
Band Karke Jharokhon Ko Zara Baithee Jo Sochne
Man Mein Tumhi Muskaye Man Mein Tumhi Muskaye
Ankhiyon Ke Jharokhon Se

Ek Man Tha Mere Paas Woh Ab Khone Laga Hai
Paakar Tujhe Hai Mujhe Kuchh Hone Laga Hai
Ek Tere Bharose Pe Sab Baithee Hoon Bhool Ke
Yoon Hi Umar Guzar Jaye Tere Saath Guzar Jaye
Ankhiyon Ke Jharokhon Se...

Jeeti Hoon Tujhe Dekh Ke Marti Hoon Tumhi Pe
Tum Ho Jahan Saajan Meri Duniya Hai Wahin Pe
Din Raat Dua Maange Mera Man Tere Waaste
Kabhi Apni Ummeedon Ka Kahin Phool Na Murjhaye
Ankhiyon Ke Jharokhon Se...

Maein Jab Se Tere Pyar Ke Rangon Mein Rangi Hoon
Jaagte Hue Soi Nahin Neendon Mein Jagi Hoon
Mere Pyar Bhare Sapne Kahin Koi Na Chheen Le
Man Soch Ke Ghabraye Yahi Soch Ke Ghabraye
Ankhiyon Ke Jharokhon Se...

lazy afternoons

lately i havent had to go to work on a normal schedule. its thrown me off a bit but its been a nice time to bum around the house. i literally dont have much to do. if ms. s is napping i lie down too. & though im not in deep slumber i rest my eyes. i then get up & wake her up. we go outside the house & she gets on her 4-wheeler & i watch her ride around. we usually have icecream out on the porch stairs or out in the back on the lovely swing. i sing her songs & she always requests that i sing desi girl to her after ive done my numbers. while all this dahling is usually tweeting his bike or doing something with the gardening stuff.
i then walk around the start up garden & just admire whats been planted & whats growing (including all that grass). the sun takes a bit to go down but its good enough. & then inside dinners taken care of along with a little bit of housework & then its tv time. after a bit its bathtime, booktime & sleepy time. "yeh lazy lazy lamhe" (these lazy lazy times)

10 things im liking right now

1. cupcakes coming from the catering kitchen with pink frosting. yummo
2. akela tanha song from the movie darling (its kinda old)
3. my cheetah looking handbag (its fashionable & a catch all)
4. my tea with anything very carby
5. Alice on HBO on Demand (which is in spanish but its subtitled)
6. YOU
7. having absolutely nothing to do in the afternoons but roam around the house
8. not having to go to work since my moms back
9. not worrying about real world stuff
10. reading a new book