stuff again

ive had sad 2 days. why for a few reasons i may know that may add up & some i cant quite put my finger on. nontheless i am sad & i feel like something is going to happen.
i can feel it in the air.

also-i miss him alot. sometimes when i talk to him after awhile i get upset & the other day i actually cried in front of my mom talking to him on the phone. i made my mom cry too as i usually never cry infront of her. it is what it is like they say.
it really really sucks though!

meanwhile ive been cleaning & organizing things in the house from the inside out. im talking about me walking over to my linen closet which i have been putting off for over 2 years now & organizing it & folding even the fitted sheets properly with the sheet sets all folded up along with the pillowcases & all lined up on the shelves. yes you can fold fitted sheets perfectly.
all blankets & even towels are in the linen closet as its meant to be. im done with all of it but need to add some new hand towels to the shelf along with some tags. yup im doing that too.
i went out to target & bought new luxurious plush body towels as they were on sale to keep the stock up in there. spent 2 hours roaming around there after i left work early. thats not all i bought ofcourse.
got them home, washed & dried them & folded them up all perfect in there. its so exciting to see it all lined up in there like that.
in no means is my linen closet like martha stewarts in her book (which i know she gets help to do) but from what its looked like before-its marvelous. ill take pictures when its all done.
im looking at the furniture & stuff in the lounge (the formal room) & so much needs to be done once again as i find it too loungy.
i know that its not like we have so many people that come and hang out but i think it needs a serious change. hmmm a project to look at.
so dahling had bought a four poster queen bed from some auction that was real good quality but the color was yuck. i dreamt of it being black. i saw it just transforming the other guest room into a cool spare room.
3 nites ago we grabbed 2 paint brushes & a small can of laquered black paint & went about town on the bed without taking it apart. i mean it came out wonderful. what a transformation black can make.
will take pics of that too once its all done up. im trying to use things around the house to give its last touches to the room but that may take a bit. ok enough of the home decor subject. can you tell im trying to avoid feelings of crap by talking about all this? LOL.

how is it that there are some relationships where one can say the craziest things to one another & be mean & yucky & still come back to one another after all that. im certain people have found this to happen to them with some relationship or another in their lives where you dont even know youre in this type of hurtful cycle untill way later or sometimes never.
what is it that makes you come back for more? i wonder.
is it that youve shared time with this other person that makes you feel like you have a connection from the past that you want rekindled? (this doesnt just have to do with lovers relationships but all sorts). is it the fact that you are human & you long to not want to be alone. & that is hard to accept. i just dont know what it is.
what makes you stay when your world falls apart? what makes you try one more time when it's not in your heart at the end of your rope when you can't find any hope you still look at him and say I just can't walk away tell me what makes you stay (from hope floats soundtrack back in the day-just reminded me of it)

& then on that alone subject:
i envy those that know how to live alone & that do it well. & my regards to those that get the chance to do it & go for it. one time or another we all wanted to seperate at difficult times & rather wished we can be just left alone. but if it were to happen can we just do that?
i personally find that its hard living on your own. i guess its because ive never done it before. but im certain that it can be done. humans are so flexible like that after some time.
its funny how in america children are taught to be so independent as soon as possible. from them learning to feed themselves to potty training to sleeping in their own beds. i mean my daughter was walking (really fast too at 9 months-what te heck)
its a lovely concept as we all came alone & will die alone but really is it something everyone has to do?
i dont know. i was under my parents roof & then underneath the same roof as my husbands right after that & to be quite honest its not bad this way. i wish i had my college life but again i think even then you have pals around so youre not really alone.
ok enough of this too. what is up with me?
im going to bed.
more interesting & simple topics coming soon. sorry about this rant.