santa (or a certain mum) got this lovely piece for ms. s playroom. were working on the placement of it as its huge & is overtaking. but i saw this at the land of nod in chicage a few years back & it was lovely. so i ordered it & it arrived right before christmas. ohh its so cute.

sins drifting away

in thailand theres a festival that happens where people gather to let go of lanterns up in the sky that are suppose to let your sins & bad luck travel far away from you up & away.
made me think if this could really be all that we need to free ourselves from the guilt & yuckiness we carry within us through out our lives or even the moments after we committed them. why cant there be a sure way to know that we have been forgiven for such things? i know that its best to let go of the past & continue on with the future seeking brightness along with fresh opportunities where ever we go but wouldnt it be better if we knew for sure that god had let go of our mistakes & has forgiven us for our sins so we can trot along with a bounce in our step?!!
i always hear in some faiths that god loves us & that he is forgiving & generous. but how long can that last & how far can it go & for how long before it all runs out?
hmmmm i was just thinking about sins drifiting away. how nice would that be for all the good people in the world but how horrid for the bad hearted ones who intentionally commit sins.

christmas afternoon & evening

funky house all decked out for christmans decorations along the way that folks were lined up for in their cars to see.

were spent eating aloo parathas with sweet yogurt at my parents house with the special request from dahling for those & then followed by a quick nap which was then followed up with dinner at our friends house where there was a proper tree & everything & dinner & drinks. a lovely day all in all.
however i was thinking about how much i could have done or could have been in my life if only my parents upbringing was a little more about molding the child to what they need to become instead of what they need to be in their eyes (which was a desi urdu speaking person along with a perfect american with the qualities of a desi daughter that carries on a household along with other things when she gets married). i know it sounds really controlling & harsh but the liberal part has only settled into my parents lives a few years back. i was raised in a house full of family feuds often & me having to take the role of a caregiver many times. i was so busy in that fumble & then the role of trying to be a good daughter that i think i kinda put the wanting to be something wonderful in life (school-wise) on the back burner. my goal was to make money, get out decently & not be dependent on anyone back then.
all those goals have been met plus a few more but i cant help but find myself a little out of the loop of intellect & of what a spectacular someone i could have been if i had applied myself in that specific spectacular direction. but then again this fight continues-i have accomplished all that i wanted to for some time now so why the sad & sometimes angry face(when no ones looking) when i come across a lovely person thats just starting out & has their feet planted firmly on the ground; for now- who has yet to experience lifes aching troubles. its what i could have been-its that type of predicament.
another battle thats linked to this that seems to continue in my life is that of being good at a little bit of everything.
if youre a little good at everything & if you keep things well rounded in all aspects you dont seem to be superior at just one specific thing. sometimes i wonder if it is good to be focused on one thing rather than so much. being involved in so much gives you a rather lovely headache at times & is pretty darn exhausting. so those doctors or those computer geeks may have had it hard in school but i wonder how lovely they are now in this world without having to worry about preschools, making cookies, credit card bills, what color curtains go well in the living room or what to do with the rest of your life.
ill write more on this a little later. but for now i must wake up my child & dahling from their late nap. its just another thing i need to do since im pretty decent with wake-up calls as well.

Christmas morning

This is the final product that were packaged in silver tin boxes.

heres my help decorating the premade pillsbury cookies.



& um the prep work. so there were guava puffs, the lovely coconut macaroons, & the pillsbury sugar cookies. yummo. it was fun to give.

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a freezing sat. afternoon

weve finally gotten to spend time with the 3 of us after a few days & this afternoon was a nice way to spend it. it was freezing. we decided to eat at the shish kabob place on fayetville st. (cuz i thought it looked so new yorkish). so i parked way too far & we walked freezing our little butts off to get there. then we had to go to the new starbucks underneath the mariott if we were going to walk back all the way to the car. so while we drank our cream brulee latte & caramel apple cider ms. s spotted the skating rink & had to go iceskate (as if shes been doing it for years) & she wasnt taking no for an answer. & since dahling is so handy dandy in everything in life & knows how to do this lovely sport-he was the only one willing to go out there to fulfill his daughters wish. as they did what they could out there i couldnt stop laughing at how ms. s had her hat all up in her face & her jacket all picked up with her tiny belly showing as he tried to make her do little twists on ice. i got a kick out of the whole thing. i thought itd be nice to go get the car until they were done doing their rounds. as i ran to get the car my feet froze away but i knew i had to go get the car. love makes you do crazy things.
so on the way i dropped in to port city jave to get a ginger chai as i knew theyd need that as soon as they would jump in the car.
from there we went to my fav. & cute as heck cupcake shoppe on glenwood for my fav. carrot cake one as ms. s surprisingly passed the green or pink frosting & settled on a simple cinn. one. driving home ms. s fell asleep & dahling & i relaxed & took a power nap of literally 15 mins.
as i stood in the hot shower for way too long i couldnt help but feel a little more normal than i had felt in days.

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Our familys house when we moved to NC and where I grew up in until I got married. My parents sold the place in 2006. I went there yesterday while driving in downtown Cary to see where it all began. I couldn't help but cry it all out that was bottled up inside of me. A mixture of so much but that winter downer that I always feel when it gets too cold here and the longing of days gone by. I missed adolesence & innocense. Yes I def. missed that along with my family being like a little pack of kitties. So many freakin' memories & emotions. Anyhow I whaled a loud cry in the car that let loose of tears that were crowding my insides. I tried to get a hold of myself bit by bit and drove myself to work & into the daily grind.






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you know what i like on a reg. basis in the winter

in no specific order:
=red wine with italian food
=bread with olive oil for dipping
=lights dimly lit all over the house & in the windows
=candles aglow
=dishes washed & stowed (i always feel tense if those arent done)
=warm socks & boots (oooh i love long boots)
=fireplace lit
=fresh breads baking in the oven
=warm down duvet with its soft white cover
=coffee shops & crowded restaurants
=anything with whipped cream
=christmas songs & movies (oh my cars radio station is always playing those @ this time)
= subtle winter decorations around the house (like snowflakes & lit up houses)
=get togethers